When “Low Libido” Is Actually High Protection
How Emotional Memory Images create invisible barriers to closeness — and how they can be removed
In the last piece, I explored how sex is often less about desire and more about shame-driven protection.
Today, I want to take that one step deeper.
Because for many people, what looks like low libido, avoidance, or disinterest is actually something far more intelligent:
The nervous system prevents a past threat from happening again.
And sometimes, the past doesn’t stay in the past.
Sometimes, it quietly joins the present.
“It’s Like There Are Three of Us in the Bed”
She had been in a loving, stable, and happy relationship for twelve years.
There was warmth.
Trust.
Friendship.
Laughter.
Yet when it came to intimacy, sadness entered the room.
Not conflict.
Not resentment.
Not emotional distance.
Just a quiet grief that something beautiful couldn’t fully arrive.
Whenever her partner moved closer and arousal began to build, her body reacted instantly.
Connection faded.
Sensation dulled.
Presence vanished.
She described it perfectly:
“It’s like there are three of us in the bed.”
Not another person.
But not just the two of them either.
Something unseen.
Something uninvited.
Something old.
Where Arousal Turns Into Disconnection
This is a crucial detail.
Arousal didn’t increase connection.
It triggered withdrawal.
That tells us everything.
Because arousal is a state of heightened vulnerability.
The body becomes open.
Sensory.
Exposed.
And if vulnerability was once paired with fear, shame, or loss of control, arousal becomes the trigger, not the reward.
Her system wasn’t rejecting her partner.
It was protecting her.
The Moment Her Eyes Gave It Away
When I gently asked about her first sexual experience, she didn’t respond verbally.
Instead, she grimaced.
Her eyes shifted.
Her breathing changed.
And in that micro-moment, her nervous system accessed an Emotional Memory Image (EMI).
We didn’t explore the details.
We didn’t need to.
This is a cornerstone of my work:
You do not have to revisit, relive, or verbalise painful experiences in order to resolve them.
Your nervous system already knows the file location.
We simply clear the imprint.
Clearing Without Content
One of the most liberating aspects of this approach is that clients never need to disclose personal details.
No graphic descriptions.
No forced storytelling.
No emotional excavation.
Just precise neurological resolution.
We worked directly with the micro-moment where the body disconnected.
And once the Emotional Memory Image cleared, her face quite literally lit up.
The shift was immediate.
Not cathartic.
Not dramatic.
Just… light.
Like a mental ghost had quietly left the room
Two Weeks Later: “Everything Is Great in the Bedroom”
Two weeks later, she called.
There was laughter in her voice.
Connection had returned.
Arousal no longer triggered shutdown.
Presence stayed.
Closeness remained.
And most telling of all:
There was no longer a third presence in the bed.
The past had released its grip.
Why So Many People Are Misdiagnosed
This is where modern models of sexuality often fail.
We pathologise:
• Low libido
• Avoidance
• Sexual disinterest
• Performance anxiety
• Arousal difficulties
When in reality, many of these are protective responses, not dysfunctions.
The nervous system is doing its job.
It learned something once.
And it never forgot.
Until now.
The Invisible Pattern
When early emotional overwhelm becomes encoded, the body builds a silent rule:
Closeness is unsafe.
Not consciously.
Not logically.
But reflexively.
So the system learns:
• Shut down arousal
• Disconnect from sensation
• Exit the body
• Leave the moment
And because this happens before conscious thought, people believe something is wrong with them.
Nothing is.
Something happened.
And it hasn’t finished resolving.
Why Traditional Therapy Often Struggles Here
Talking therapies rely on narrative.
But trauma encoding happens pre-verbal.
This creates a mismatch:
We try to heal neurology with language.
Which explains why insight often changes nothing.
Understanding the pattern does not dissolve the pattern.
Resolution must occur where the pattern lives — in the micro-moment of nervous system activation.
Sex Is Where Truth Shows Up
Sex exposes what the nervous system still fears.
It bypasses politeness.
It overrides performance.
It ignores narrative.
Which is why it so often becomes the battleground — and the breakthrough.
Not because sex is special.
But because vulnerability is.
A Gentle Reframe
If intimacy feels heavy, effortful, distant, or absent — especially inside loving relationships — consider this:
It may not be a desire issue.
It may be a protection issue.
And protection only exists where danger once lived.
The Real Healing Question
Not:
What’s wrong with me?
But:
What did my nervous system once learn it needed to protect me from?
Because once that imprint clears…
Desire doesn’t need to be forced.
Connection doesn’t need to be worked on.
Presence returns naturally.
And intimacy becomes what it was always meant to be:
Not performance.
Not pressure.
But shared safety.
Next time:
Why many sexual difficulties vanish when emotional memory images are cleared — and what this means for trauma, therapy, and modern relationships.
Learn more at matthudson.com